Happy New Year!!!

Welcome to a New Year!

2014 has been an eventful year for all of us. Some will remember it by the negative memories, and hopefully a lot of us will remember it for the positive memories and the new relationships that were made and discovered. Most of us have probably lost a friend or someone that was close to us, but most of us have also gained a friend who is now someone very special to us. Now as we let 2014 disappear into the distance, we welcome 2015 with open hands. There were quite a few of very special moments this year...

As a community, this year we have reached 100 subs. I would never be able to do this without you all. We are starting this year with almost 150 Dubletts! That is crazy because even though it might not seem like a lot to most of you, it actually means so much to me. So, thank you for all the support and recognition from all of you.

I've also got into contact with a few more people in the YouTube community and made friends with some of the other girls on YouTube. I even made good friends with some of you, which makes me really happy as talking to you all is a pleasure!

Some of my favourite moments of 2014 were going to Italy to visit my dad as there was just something special about it and I felt very privileged to be able to spend my summer in such a beautiful place. I spent the summer with my closest family and it really made me happy. I also had a weekend away with my best friend in Brighton where we stayed in the hotel and had a view of the Brighton Eye. We spent most of the time at the beach and came back with really bad sunburns, but I guess that's all part of the fun! Make sure to wear suncream because that shall save you all from having to stay in bed for a few days in pain. It was a weekend that I won't forget as it was very special. 

I ended the year on a positive note and on quite some good luck. My december was actually amazing and everything worked out the way I'd want it to so thank you to those who made this month special to me as I always see it as one of my most important time of the year with my birthday and Christmas and New Year's Eve. It was also the time of hard work, revision and many exams over the course of the first two weeks. Now it's just a waiting game to get my results at some time this month.

 There was a time this year when I felt crumpled and all I wanted to do is stay in bed, not talk to anyone and just watch videos and be miserable. Hence, the reason why I took a pause from YouTube. I am planning to start regular uploads as my life is going back into place, first though, I need to get myself another SD card!

I think this is all I'd like to tell you about my year, I would love to know your highlights of the year and how you made this year memorable so please make sure to tell me below. As for 2015, I decided that I don't want New Year's resolution apart from taking life how it is given to me. I think a lot of the time we don't live to the fullest and we might take a day for granted, I don't want that happening this year. I want to have something to be happy about at the end of each day and be able to reflect positively on each month of the year. I want to stop being worried and scared about every decision, I just want to take it and make something good out of it. I don't want to end this year on a regret and on a 'What if...'

Is there anything that you would like to achieve this year, any goals? Tell me about them and make your deems a reality. I love you all and hope you all have an awesome heart!

Byee.♡

We need to talk...

Heyoo!

I am aware of the fact that I haven't posted a video in a few weeks.. Damn, I need to get my shibbles together! But one thing I wanted to do is reassure you that I didn't actually 'stop'. 

So a few weeks ago, I had some trouble with thinking about a video idea, after finding a new tag, I thought of a few video ideas for the upcoming weeks. Sadly, I just couldn't seem to film them as it didn't feel 'me'. I decided that I wanted to take a small break to see where my videos were going to lead to next and to think about what I want to deliver to all of you as I want it to be enjoyable for you but I also want to look back at them and be proud of what I have produced. Lately, even in my everyday life, I haven't felt like myself because outside of youtube, I have a life which is great but at times everything can lead up to a moment where you don't want to show your true self in case others are going to judge you for it or that you would look weak. Everytime before a video, I had to put up a fake smile and pretend everything was perfect whilst knowing that the second that the camera stopped rolling, everything will go back to normal. I am not willing to talk about my personal life online because I'd feel like I'm begging for mercy, plus it's something that is personal and involves me and others around me who might also not appriaciate me telling everyone what is going on. As I saw that my videos seemed fake throughout time and my sense of humour lowered and I saw that things weren't as happy and 'right' in the newer videos than in the older ones, I decided that I deserved a time-out. I needed to take a pause from everything because I realised that I'm doing too much at a time. I'm a VERY tiny youtuber which seems like it would be really easy for me and it is actually quite easy, all I have to do is dedicate a day per week for filming and editing and a night for uploading, not the hardest job in the world. However, that, keeping my grades up, revising for mocks, doing coursework, keeping my family 'under control', keeping up with doctors appointmens, hospitals and my overall health is quite challenging. 

Lately, everything seems to be going up-hill; my family seems happier, I'm taking medicine and arranging appointments, I'm up to date with most of my coursework, I've had several talks with GPs and psychologists which made me feel at ease and I stopped stressing about every little thing as much. This is all great and I want to thank anyone who took an active part in making me feel better.

So, where does this lead to now? In December, I am approaching more mock exams and coursework deadlines so I have some hard work to do till then. It's also my birthday on the 2nd, on the day I have an English exam... Great(!). After that, Christmas will be coming and I can't wait to feel the Christmas spirit agin. I am thinking of vlogging some of it and making a short Christmas video but I'm still not 100% sure whether that's a good idea given the family circumstances at the moment. If I do, I will put it on YouTube so you might get a video then, but if not then you'll have to wait till 2015. Later, it's New Years, which is a both exciting and sad time of the year for me as it makes me reflect on the whole year, all the positives and all the negatives. 

After the new year though, I am planning to start my weekly videos again, hopefully as myself but who knows what could change until then. I can't wait to see what another year of my YouTube will bring. Until then, I will not upload as I'll try to sort out everything else that's going on in my life. I hope you all understand my choices and respect my decisions. I do apologise for any problems this might cause but I promise to get back to it with a positive attitude.

I love you all,

Byee!

Meeting Alfie Deyes and getting my Pointless Book signed!

Heyoo!

As many of you know, Alfie (PointlessBlog) has done a signing in London on Saturday. I was lucky enough to be able to attend and explore the whole thing! It was a very exciting experience for me as I've been watching him for three years and he meant a lot to me as I've seen him progress in his career. Here's a bit more about the day!

I was rearing to go as it was my first ever time that I was going to go to a book signing and meet a YouTuber. As I live 30 mins away from the venue, I decided to set my alarm to 7am (the meetup was meant to start at 12). I got dressed and ready and was out the door by 8. My nerves id get the better of me though and I got a massive belly-ache before going so I only ate a few chocolate fingers (bad idea).

When I arrived there, there was already quite a few people there, none-the-less, I was still super proud of myself for being there that early and being brave enough to attend by myself. I sat in the line next to two very nice girls and made quite good friends with them, we spoke the whole day talking. After arounf half-an-hour, the men at the venue told us to get up and sent us over to another hall where we got wristbands and got into groups of 50 (I got put into group 6 with the other two lovely ladies). We spent a long time chatting and doing different challenges from The Pointless Book. We also sneaked in a little trip to a burger company and got some fries.

At around 2pm, Alfie came out on stage and did a mini Q&A which was very exciting as I wasn't able to see him up close, apart from a few times when he'd show himself through a little window at the top and even gave us a sneaky preview of his nipple (TMI there?). He spent some time on stage which lowered my nerves slightly as I was more prepared to be put in a room with him.

However, when it was finally our turn (and 8hours of waiting has gone past), I was totally terrified and my anxiety was kicking in! I remember standing in the line and talking to the two girls and completely freaking out! What was I going to say? How was I going to act? Is it okay to cry? I felt my legs wobble as I made my way up the stairs. When I finally got there it seemed like everything went so fast and it literally just flew by. When Alfie spoke to me, I could hardly speak but I managed to mutter a few words under my breath. I also managed not to cry, although I did feel tears building up. When I got out of the room I wanted to cry even more but decided to keep it in until I got home (where I literally cried for 4 hours straight).

Yes, I'm an obsessive fan girl but I just felt so privileged and felt like I was a part of something. Being able to support someone is the best feeling in the world and seeing him happy, makes me happy. I know this is cliché but he genuinely changed my life and made me see things differently. I feel like I belong in this whole YouTube community, both as a YouTuber... But most importantly a supporter!

Did any of you ever go through massive fangirl moments? Tell me below!  
Anna.xo